edits to address feedback from JC Brand; add PSA as co-author

xep-0458.xml

@@ -21,6 +21,13 @@
 		<supersededby/>
 		<shortname>N/A</shortname>
 		&dcridland;
+		&stpeter;
+  <revision>
+    <version>0.3</version>
+    <date>2023-09-14</date>
+    <initials>psa</initials>
+    <remark><p>Address substantive feedback from JC Brand; add Peter Saint-Andre as co-author to help address future feedback.</p></remark>
+  </revision>
   <revision>
     <version>0.2.1</version>
     <date>2023-07-12</date>
@@ -94,13 +101,13 @@
 				</ul>
 		</section2>
 		<section2 topic="Be Respectful" anchor='be-respectful'>
-				<p>Disagreements are normal and common. Sometimes, the different goals we
+				<p>Disagreements are normal and common. Sometimes, there are conflicts or tensions among the different goals we
-				have in our shared endeavour conflict, and it is important that we are able to explain
+				have in our shared endeavour, and it is important that we are able to explain
 				why. Criticism is essential to find the best solutions to the problems that face us.
 				However, it is vital that while we are open and honest in our criticism, we do so with
-				the calm respect we expect of others.</p>
+				the calm respect we expect of others and with tolerance for other points of view.</p>
 			<ul>
-				<li>Try to be open over your point of view, intent and
+				<li>Try to be open over your point of view, intents and
 				interests when expressing critique: this helps to discuss the different
 					points of view in a constructive way.</li>
 				<li>Try phrasing comments as an invitation to explore an issue.</li>
@@ -127,25 +134,25 @@
 				"us" and a "them", you are risking breaking this Code of Conduct.</p>
 		</section2>
 		<section2 topic="About the Examples" anchor='about-the-examples'>
-			<p>The examples in this document of what not to do are intended to be just that - examples.
+			<p>The examples in this document of "what not to do" are intended to be just that - examples.
-				They are not intended to be exhaustive. Many of these examples have formal definitions,
+				They are not intended to be exhaustive.</p>
-				either in law or elsewhere - in general, if you are reliant on such a definition to
+			<p>Many of the terms used in these examples have formal definitions,
-				argue why your behaviour might be acceptable, you have already lost the argument. </p>
+				either in law or elsewhere. In general, the strict interpretation of such a formal definition
-			<p>Instead, please try to follow the spirit of this document, perhaps more so than its
+				is not a strong basis for the acceptability of a certain behaviour. 
-				words.</p>
+				Instead, please try to follow the spirit of this document, perhaps more so than its letter.</p>
 		</section2>
 	</section1>
 	<section1 topic="Governing Principles" anchor='governing-principles'>
 		<p>The governing principle of this Code of Conduct is that all participation in XSF Activities is
-			solely by permission of the XMPP Standards Foundation. No person has any automatic right to join
+			solely by permission of the XMPP Standards Foundation. No person has any <em>automatic</em> right to join
 			a XSF chatroom or mailing list, or contribute to XSF documents such as the XEP series.</p>
-		<p>Ordinarily, the XMPP Standards Foundation welcomes and encourages
+		<p>Naturally, under normal circumstances, the XMPP Standards Foundation welcomes and encourages
-			participation in XSF Activities, but this guiding principle allows the XSF to partially or
+			participation in XSF Activities. Nevertheless, the XSF does reserve the right to partially or
 			completely exclude anyone from any activity, for any reason.</p>
 		<p>The final decision on such exclusions is made by the Board, who may from time to time appoint a Work
 			Team, called the Conduct Team, to act on their behalf. If the Work Team has not been appointed,
 			the Conduct Team is the Board.</p>
-		<p>There are exceptions to this - in particular any right of elected members of the
+		<p>There are exceptions to this - in particular, any right of elected members of the
 			Foundation under the Bylaws cannot be curtailed by the Board, though the Board
 			(or any other any member) could start the process to eject a member. This means
 			that members are trusted by the other members to a higher degree than other
@@ -158,17 +165,17 @@
 				XMPP Standards Foundation or the wider XMPP Community.</li>
 			<li>Participates in any XSF Activity.</li>
 		</ul>
-		<section2 topic="Acting in a capacity" anchor='acting-in-capacity'>
+		<section2 topic="Acting in a Capacity" anchor='acting-in-capacity'>
-			<p>The first case may seem extremely broad. The intent here is that while good behaviour which
+			<p>Although on the face of it the first case may seem to be extremely broad, in fact the proviso of "reasonable expectation" ensures that this Code of Conduct will not be applied more often than necessary. The intent here is that while good behaviour which
 				might be associated with the XSF and its community reflects well on us, the opposite is
-				also true. By explicitly stating that this Code of Conduct applies this allows the XSF
+				also true. By explicitly stating that this Code of Conduct applies when someone acts on behalf of the XSF, the XSF may
-				to sanction bad behaviour outside of XSF Activities should the need arise.</p>
+				sanction bad behaviour outside of XSF Activities should the need arise.</p>
 			<p>Note also that this is not intended to mean that any XMPP developer's behaviour will be
 				scrutinised constantly - using, for example, racist language in a talk about your XMPP
 				project would be problematic here, but using sexualised language in your erotic fiction
-				hobby is likely to be irrelevant to this Code of Conduct.</p>
+				hobby is unlikely to be relevant to this Code of Conduct.</p>
 			<p>However, higher standards may be applied to those seen as representative of the community,
-				such as Members and in particular members of Board or Council.</p>
+				such as XSF Members and, in particular, members of the Board or Council.</p>
 		</section2>
 	</section1>
 	<section1 topic='How We Handle Bad Conduct' anchor='enforcement'>
@@ -188,8 +195,8 @@
 				may feel that members of the Conduct Team or the Board were involved or present and wish
 				to report to others.</p>
 			<p>It may also be in some cases people may prefer to report informally; while
-				reporting "properly" is preferred, the Conduct Team should strive to handle
+				reporting "properly" is preferred, if possible the Conduct Team should strive to handle
-				informal reports in the same way if possible.</p>
+				informal reports in the same way as formal reports, while at the same time not encouraging unverifiable reports such as gossip or hearsay.</p>
 			<p>Importantly, even if someone else called it out or said to you they would report it, report
 				it anyway. This ensures the Conduct Team have a clear understanding of what happened and who
 				saw the conduct, and allows the Conduct Team to identify any longer term patterns.</p>
@@ -198,9 +205,9 @@
 		</section2>
 		<section2 topic="Consideration" anchor='consideration'>
 			<p>The Conduct Team will then discuss the incident. This should be done quickly, and in private.</p>
-			<p>The Conduct Team may ask for further information from you, the person accused of bad conduct,
+			<p>The Conduct Team may ask for further information from the person reporting the incident, the person or persons directly affected, the person accused of bad conduct,
 				or others who were present.</p>
-			<p>Finally, the Conduct Team will make a decision on sanctions or other action.</p>
+			<p>Finally, the Conduct Team will make a decision on whether sanctions or other actions should be taken, and determine the exact form of such sanctions or actions.</p>
 		</section2>
 		<section2 topic="Sanctions and Actions" anchor='sanctions-and-actions'>
 			<p>The purpose of a Code of Conduct is to ensure our community is as
@@ -213,8 +220,8 @@
 			<p>The Conduct team will normally have its authority to make decisions delegated to it
 				by the Board. In some cases the Conduct Team may choose to hand its recommendation on
 				Sanctions or other Actions to the Board even if authority has not been delegated. The Board
-				will discuss and vote on these "in camera" (ie, not in public and not minuted).</p>
+				will discuss and vote on these "in camera" (i.e., not in public and not minuted).</p>
-			<p>Finally, the result will normally be explained to the person accused on bad conduct, and may
+			<p>Finally, the result will normally be explained to the person accused of bad conduct, and may
 				be explained to the complainant.</p>
 			<p>Any announcement of Actions or Sanctions is an Action in and of itself, and should be considered
 				carefully. In general terms, any announcement should be proportionate to the bad conduct and the size of

xep.ent

@@ -789,9 +789,9 @@ IANA Service Location Protocol, Version 2 (SLPv2) Templates</link></span> <note>
   <author>
     <firstname>Peter</firstname>
     <surname>Saint-Andre</surname>
-    <email>xsf@stpeter.im</email>
+    <email>stpeter@stpeter.im</email>
-    <jid>peter@jabber.org</jid>
+    <jid>stpeter@jabber.org</jid>
-    <uri>http://stpeter.im/</uri>
+    <uri>https://stpeter.im/</uri>
   </author>
 " >
 <!ENTITY dizzyd "